I’m standing stationary in the middle of the street.
The cars of life are zooming by but I can’t move.
Because I can’t make a decision
I have a question lingering in my mind
What do I want to do with my life?
School isn’t a option at all
Should I go right or left?
Should I stay in traffic or would it be safe on the sidewalk?
The sidewalk feels like settling
Being on a corner just peddling
While life is just moving at a steady pace
Not trying to face the rat race
Not going to worry about having a work hubby
Don’t have to deal with the anxiety of deadlines
But if the the 9 to 5 ain’t me
Then what is?
I feel like I’m stuck in the train doors
And that’s my theme of life
People hurling comments at me
Cause of I’m delaying their life
Some even try to push me onto the platform
So they can shine alone
While I’m in the dark and in pain
Now it’s a contest of who can scream louder
Which obviously I won’t win
I never win
So I don’t even know what that looks like it
Is it walking up on the stairs without tons of people pushing past you?
To know defeat, Means you had a win
I’ve only ever tasted complacency or is that grape juice ?
Who really knows?
I’m in the dark
Will you light my candle?
Like I’m Mimi
But no one can see me
I gained invisibility when I walked away from toxic people
When I gained weight
Focused on getting my shit of a life straight
But I gained hunger
Found a new roommate of loneliness
Lost my voice
My will and ambition to write
To have a book full of written words that would touch your soul and enlighten
I stand on a train track stuck
While the train of life is going 50mph at me
And the conductor will only pull the brake
If I recite an original poem
She can talk
But no one hears her
And slowly dying
She is panting
Taking deep breaths
Trying to be in control of her world
Of her life
But ain’t no one having that
The world will keep moving
Keep pushing her into a corner
Till one day, the voices fade away
Or till her voice roars above the noise
Cause she is tired of feeling the pain
The deep soul-sucking sadness
The numb feeling that comes in spurts
She will one day feel her POWER
One day, she will hear her own voice and not be scared of it
And the impact
And heart is a work in progress.
I haven’t mastered control in my life
So sometimes it be strife
But I don’t think about taking my own life.
I’m just going to keep working to be
2.0 version of myself
I love myself
I will continue to kick adversity ass