Grown-up friendships: Why is it hard?

I have noticed that after high school and if you didn’t attend college its hard finding stable and loyal friends. Even if you’re at a state school, friendship is hard to find.

Like as soon as you hit 21 and older the circle of your friends decline like every year. This example is for an average female straight or lesbian/bisexual:

Female starts with five friends

Year one: friend #1 gets a boyfriend and hangout time decreases

Year 2: Friend #2 and 3 both get pregnant so hangout and phone calls decrease

Year 3: Friend #4 moves out of state. One less hangout partner

Year 4: Friend #5 just goes ghost for no apparent reason, you don’t know if she is alive.

Year 5: Friend 1 gets engaged. Friend #2 get married and Friend 3 after trying to convince you to have a baby but failing, she decides not be your friend anymore. She wants “mommy friends”.

This can vary from friend to friend, or it can be guy friends instead of women. Some friends might end up going to prison for awhile also so that can be factored in.

Anyway, its understandable that life happens and it can get chaotic. But my question is how do you select a group of friends like girlfriends, the cast of living single and hell even friends? Is there an application out there that? I bet on the friendship application one of the questions are : Are you loyal and stable? Stable meaning mentally which we all should value more instead of looking for friends that can wear heels all day or something superficial like that. A lot of people encountered crazy friends(Hello Single White Female) so its based to focus on commonality then looking for a friend to match their fly.

What do y’all think? Do you have long-term friends? Have you ever been ghosted by your friends? How did that make you feel?


Do y’all like my Transparency?

Hey everyone,

I know I havent’ been blogging for months because my life is hot mess just like my computer.

Anyway I’m back and I want to know do y’all like my poetry and stories?

Does my words touch your heart and/or soul?

What can I do to reach more ears and hearts?

Should I hold back from telling my truth?

What is your part of my blog?

Would you like more stories and random thoughts in my head?

I know I won’t do any more music posts but I’m thinking about doing book reviews.I also wanna to share my book collection with y’all. I have a collection of different genres of books that I would like to share.

Comment any ideas that you have for me and this blog.


The Girl That Never Was

Inspired by True and firsthand events


The girl was only 14 when her mom got on crack and fading into the oblivion

only a girl herself when she found out she had to be super woman



taking care of children that wasn’t hers

Because the adults are having adult problems

Forced to grow up and be stuck in chaos

always taking care of her brother



Mom and Dad

That she didn’t have time to take care of herself

no time for education… high school dropout

no time for fun and self-reflection……. depression and other mental illness are active

no time for learning about sex…. gets taken advantage all the time.

She is the girl that never was



Inner Thoughts 8/9/17

I feel like the world is limiting me

hindering my progress

I just want happiness and everything that it can entail

but how can I find it ?

Its not like I can follow the yellow brick road

like I can fast forward to the good part

I want to be abundantly full

instead of hollow and concave

at the bottom of the pit

always trying to reach to the top

but it always alludes me.

Everyone is always saying stay positive

God has plan

but I can’t hear it because I’m surrounding by the dark.

My depression can’t be erased by words of a false prophet

my feelings can’t be overlooked.




Larry my father was charismatic playboy type that tried to be the best father to me.

He died of COPD complications.

My uncle Tommy was one of my favorite uncles that always made me laugh.

He OD in our family home.

My grandmother Grace was strict, funny and I was her favorite grandchild that she always shared snacks with.

She went from having a stomach virus to being in cardiac arrest, which led to her death.

Jamel, my brother’s annoying lover that I was secretly fond of. We would gossip and eat cookies together.

He died of HIV complications

My brother, my twin in a sense. He was the girly girl and I was the tomboy. He was go- to for advice(even though it was crazy), gossip, fashion tips and the one that knew all the words to a Mary J. Blige song.

He died of a broken heart and HIV complications.

My grumpy mean spirited aunt who had almost an equally slick mouth as me just recently died.

I remember them

The good

the bad

the laughs

the smiles

I will always remember them

Music Monday: New Songs that I’m feeling

Sorry I haven’t been blogging my life has been busy but I’m back now. Here a few new songs that I’m feeling.

Love on the Brain by Rihanna (It’s not a classic rihanna song which is surprising)

Let me Love you by Dj Snake and Justin Bieber(heart eyes)

stay by Zedd and Alessia Cara(one of my favorite new artist)


What are some “new” songs that you like right now?

Music Monday: Spring Break Playlist

Sorry for the mini hiatus last week, school overwhelmed and distracted me. Now its Spring Break so I can post more frequently. Here is my playlist for the occasion

  1. After the party Koffee Brown
  2. Formation Beyoncé
  3. Get me Bodied Beyoncé
  4. Swagger Like Us various artists
  5. Hard Rihanna
  6. No Church in The Wild Jayz and Kanye West
  7. No Hands Wacka Flocka
  8. Video Phone Remix Beyoncé feat Lady Gaga
  9. No Time Lil Kim
  10. Just Dance Lady Gaga
  11. 24K Magic

What are your Spring Break songs that make you feel good? Is it any of the ones I mentioned?

Music Monday: Bruno Mars

I love this little man and his voice ever since he came on the scene. A lot of people was hesitant about his latest album but I love it. He put his foot and some flavor in 24k magic album. Here’s a list of all my favorite Bruno Mars songs (some you may and some you may not)

Talking to the Moon

Just the way you are

Versace on the Floor


That’s what I like

Marry You

Our first Time

It will Rain

All she knows

24k magic

Calling all my lovelies


Inner thoughts 3/22/17

I came from a recovering alcoholic mother that grew up in a house of addicts and a father that only had time to make babies then actually be a father to. Therefore, something like hugs are a big deal to me.

As a grown adult I have started hugging my mother and it feels weird. No comfort, it feels like a pity hug especially when she pats me on the back. Which makes feel like a cat or dog that is getting petted.

My ex-boyfriend squeezed me when hugging me but it felt warm and safe.

I have one friend that gives me the best warm, lightly squeezing hug that you can tell she misses me. It’s wonderful and gives me butterflies

I just wonder will I ever be comfortable about hugs or is it just some people that will ruin it for me?